Moving is one of the worst things in the world.   Slowly your life becomes uprooted. Everything spare moment you are packing all those things you are not currently using;   Sometimes you pack up things and then dig through box after box looking for something you happen to need.   On the upside, you can get rid of all those plastic lids that fit nothing.

It never ends either because, weeks are spent unpacking all that stuff you packed.   It always happens too that the stuff you really need is hiding amongst the other boxes.   You can always find the Christmas decorations in July or that box of old cups collected over the years from various fast food restaurants that you hope to one day sell for  a pretty penny,  (half the country has the same collection and the same hope) but you can not find the coffee filters, or the coffee or the coffee maker.

I was lucky though, Annie found the coffee supplies, (she could not live without her sludge) before we went to bed our first night in our new place.   To bed; among the boxes, bags, suitcases, crates, and storage containers that held all of our belongings.    Lucky, because Annie said I was.

She  also claimed I was lucky because of all the help I had moving.   True, Duh-Wayne and Spam, plus a handful of Annie’s friends helped move one load of Annie’s stuff in exchange for a costly pizza party, 14 of which Annie ate and she didn’t help a bit; well she said she supervised.

Grandfather and I moved almost everything ourselves.   He claimed we could not afford a moving van so we wound up moving the majority of our things in our car making several trips.   It was really more than several.  We probably spent more in gas than we would have if we had rented a whole fleet of moving vans which is really what we needed.

We (grandfather and I) could have fit our personal stuff into one small van.   It was all of Annie’s stuff.   She had to have it all, her sugar shack, her wild life sanctuary ( try squeezing an elephant in the back of an SUV) her farm!!!   That was the thing.   She already had a farm with more animals than she could count.   True Annie could only count to about 5 and then she just made up numbers like erty-ten or skatey elebeteenager.  But I am just saying.

I’m a nice person, but this time I was really annoyed.  Annie could have moved all of it with her teleporter.   She popped back and forth all day every day for stuff.   She would see a nail in the new apartment that she had to hammer in or yank out along with half the wall.   She would teleport to our old place and get the hammer.   Or she would want a drink and pop home for a cup or a plate or toilet paper or her and Duh-Wayne’s hover boards.   Instead of leaving whatever it was there at the new place because eventually it would live there with us.   Annie would teleport it back when they were done.

I counted on Annie letting me use the teleporter.   Before I even knew we were moving, I took a weeks vacation.   Everyone said it was lucky I did; because I desperately needed to clean the mess Annie and Duh-Wayne had made.

Lucky sure, but every time I took a vacation something happened to screw it up.   I guess I could consider it lucky so I could spend time cleaning up old pizza boxes and confetti, but I really had wanted to just do nothing.   Annie chose to move.

Since Grandfather was working and our new place was in a totally different town, I had counted on Annie to let me use her teleporter to go to the new place to clean.   Figure it was broken.   I got to go a couple times, one day Annie let me use her motorized shopping cart but it ran out of gas and I would up pushing it and dragging a wagon load of our belongings behind me for 18 miles.   Another time, Grandfather took me.

I was able to get rid of all the junk Annie left laying around, a ton of cardboard boxes, and fast food containers, sand  from when she and Duh-Wayne played ‘beach’ , all the brown greasy cob webs Annie strung around the entire apartment to give it an eerie feel and shooed out all the flies Annie was ‘cultivating’.

Always something happened, that I was never able to get there as often as I needed, and all of the painting and cleaning I had planned on doing never got done.   So we wound up moving in with one room half painted and spent an extra week moving the final items from our old place.    Once I got moved in though, Annie happily moved all the rest of her stuff with her teleporter.   She even moved a few of our things, but I told her she didn’t have to after she dropped a box full of plates and a box full of bowls from a ladder at my feet and screamed, “Don’t say I never did nothing for ya, Slam.”

I like an organized move.   Annie on the other hand has no organizational skills at all.   This apartment was so much bigger than our old one so I figured it would balance out.   We had a spare room I was going to set up for K8 and Phil to sleep in when they came to visit so I figured I could put all the boxes in there, so we had room to move the furniture in.

More and more of Annie’s stuff kept showing up though and soon I was barely able to move at all.   Annie’s drum set was right next to the mattress I had on the floor.   I couldn’t set my bed up because Annie’s collection of antique type writer covers was sitting on top of it.  She couldn’t put that away because she wanted to display it and needed paint for the old plastic bread box she wanted to recycle into a typewriter cover display case.

The landlord old Hank had buried every bit of furniture  his tenants had left behind for the past 58 years.  Annie and Duh-Wayne were digging it all up.   “We need stuff to fill this place up,” Annie screamed at me dragging an old green,  wet dirt caked bug infested recliner with broken springs  up the stairs.   She was turning it into a telephone stand an item no one even used any more.   She wanted to put it in the parlor.    I am not sure which room that even was.

For some odd reason she was using old time terms, like parlor.   So was Duh-Wayne.  He asked Annie if we needed a daven port which Annie said she couldn’t turn down.   The ‘daven port’ was one of those 80’s couches with the weird old mill stream printed velour. Annie loved that!   She once bought a hundred yards of it at a lawn sale, and made Grandfather a three piece suit out of it, complete with a hat that she stuck a pelican feather in.

Spam kept asking me if I needed the fire stroked.   I had no idea what she was talking about.   I just knew something weird was going on.   I just sort of felt something was in the air.

Our second night in the new place I told Annie and the rest of the gang that everyone would be putting their own stuff away the next day,  The Nascart Museum was coming out of the bathroom, the sheep and flock of geese were going to the barn yard and I had no idea why Spam was keeping her canned meat memorabilia at our place.   She loved a slice of Pam cooked in her favorite oil named after her Spam but the butter flavor kind.

When I awoke,  the next morning, the front door was open.   Annie, Snoopy and Annie Jr. were all gone.   I ran out the door looking for them wondering where they were.    It was 3:22 am.   Annie set my alarm to go off at weird hours, that is why I was up so early.

I located the boys in the basement and they said Annie was missing.   Fat chance, she just did not want to put her stuff away.   I didn’t give it another thought until Curry called asking if I had seen Spam and Duh-Wayne.  I hadn’t but Snoopy and Annie Jr.  said  they had disappeared along with Annie.   But hadn’t told me because I hadn’t asked.

I wasn’t really worried, not at first but when all the stuff was put away and none of them returned even when I went in the basement, the last place they were seen and shook the cat food box none of them came.   I then worried.

“Were could my lil Annie be.” I thought to myself as I starred out the window.




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